Is It Really Love ?

    Many times in my life I find my self wondering about a lot of things, my choices, my decisions and most definitetly my love life.

    I never had a boyfriend before, by choice. Of course I had several companions throughout the years but no one ever succeeded to pass the ''boyfriend test''. Except one man...

    I met him in a party. Little did I know that he wouldn't be my casual 1 month ''situationship'' but he 'd be on my mind for over a year! It 's important to say that my first time was 2 months before I met him so that 'd make him my ''second''. I belive that a full love experience with someone is after you've find out the part of sex and how it works (more or less).

    We started dating occasionally and 1 month later very often, almost every day. Yes I've felt some feelings about him and I 'd think about him every day and night -not that I had other things to think of that perticular period of time-. So after 4 months, him saying ''I love you'' several times and me admiting to my friends that I like him quite a lot, I ''broke up'' with him when summer came. And you are probably wondering why the ''broke up'' is in ditto marks? It's similar to Ross's and Rachel's disagreement «WE WERE ON A BREAK», so he thought we were a couple and I thought this was a friends with benefits kind of thing. 

    Summer passed, then autumn came and I had 2 other companions 1 month each. And I really gave relationship opportunities for them cause I felt ready for that kind of commitment. But none of the 10 guys I 'd been with was worthy of becoming my boyfriend. Except him, my second one (lets call him ''Greek-guy'' cause guess what, he's from Greece and yes he has a difficult name) AND one other guy I met in summer but this is a story of another blog ;) 

    In the Winter, after confessing my true feelings about our time together to him and admiting that he was not just another enthusiasm for me, I tried to convince him I am capable of a relationship and what we had was NOT a serious relationship, but his point of view was different.

So eventually he letted his defences down and trusted me like I trusted him

We are officially a couple now!

The story accually isn't just that. Like I said in a previus blog named ''It Comes And It Goes'' https://irispovonthings.blogspot.com/2023/04/it-comes-and-goes-lot-of-things-in-our.html

    To create some stuff you need inspiration and it just hits you one day on the head. For me a simple love story about how I end up with my boyfriend is just an intresting fact, not an inspirational one.

    What did make me talk about my boyfriend on the internet? Was it just a feeling of love? I don't think so... Maybe because I miss him while he is working away and I cannot see him? It is possible but no.

Sadly the answer is ''problems'', yes problems between me and him.

    Now you probably gonna say «just another girl talking about the problems with her boyfriend, oh yeah... She's definetly an original one»

    I don't think that this kind of problem is located only in a romantic relationship but in every human relationship, so I concider the subject worthy of an internet disccussion.

"his point of view was different"

    I always bump into it when we 're talking for anything else except our relationship, our personal problems (with friends/family/inner-self). So I guess we have a problem on comunication because of the very different ideologies about the world we have each.

    I don't wanna describe my self as the right one and him as the wrong one, but some basic ideologies can judged as wrong by the whole world, ideologies like fasism/racism/hate/etc.

Most of you people have met a person whose ideologies are really trash and when they talk they sound like idiots, and most probably these kind of people refuse to be characterised as fasists using excuses  like "I am not fasist! My roomate was gay and black and I was still talking to him" 

When me and Greek-guy started talking I couldn't spot any ideology of his that most of it is wrong considering my stadards, but I could recognize that he is raised differently in a totally opossite enviroment and social cyrcle than me. And then the time when we got back together after 1 year came, and then I started spotting a very disturbing point of his view for the world. Especially on subjects like racism and female rights.

    One of the benefits in our relationship is that we see the world trough the same pair of glasses, for example we both love enviroment and we always see human's nature as a priority in life.

Internet surely can help you find people and some statements with the same perspective as you. In my boyfriend's case, he found some people on the internet who share some of the same interests like his but have very absolute opinions with hate about the world and these opinions affected him. 

You might be wondering "how can a man be affected so easily 

from another person on the internet? Doesn't he have

his own beliefs?"

    When a person doesn't know theyself well or they haven't invest in their opinions about the world, it's very possible for they to take the wrong example from a person who seems like an omniscient

    And now his is an ethnicist prick in a country that don't respect it's residents, treat them like animals, make them work 10hrs a day for a payment that ensure only their basic needs, some place to live in and some food and water. But this is not a blog for the "economical crisis" of Greece.

    My conclusion on all of this was that he was affected only by those fasists on the internet and some bad companies in his life, hoping that they weren't his best friends and these were not his real ideologies.

    Day by day I am starting thinking that I might be wrong. The other day I asked him if he had ever visit a brothel and have sex with a prostitute before me. His answer was positive and he kind of started talking about how many times and which locations of the country he had visited like it was something cool. I got angry. Subconsciously I left the converstation cause I started feeling nauseous. Something was off...

    That put me into thoughts. Who did I choose to be my boyfriend? Why him? Is he really seeing women that way? Will he ever treat me like a prostitute too?

    I don't judge this job. But as a born and raised women I don't feel sharing my emotions and my sexual pleasure with people I don't know (who most of them make me sick with their actions and sayings) is the right thing to do. Only If I have no option and I have no one else to help me some point in my life I would turn into prostitution, in conclution this is a very desparated hesty last choice anyone can make.

    I don't think a politicaly and socialy okay man would go to brothels for his entertainment and intercourse with a woman who's desparated trying to survive in this miserable world. Sex isn't that big of a deal when you have developed your mind. Sex is a biological need that a human is made to do somepoint in their life. But we as humans have passed by a lot the line of what we are capable of doing. Yes there are still killings and racism, women being desrespected and child abusement. But the majority of our society thankfully thinks all of these are wrong and illegal.

   Every time we talk about the world I get very frustrated and I can't take it anymore. 

It's a very bad feeling.

   The reason why I am writing this article isn't the fact that I want to end up in a solution to my problem, which is how I usually write my blogs.

I want you to consider and try to answer my questions:

-Is it fixable with a converstation while he being absolute in his views?

-Do you think that him having and interaction with a prostitute says something about the way he sees his girlfriend and women in general?

-Do you believe that his ideologies are his or someone else's that he got ispired of?

And Last But Not Least :

-Why do I still love him?

Maybe you've spotted some pink words in the blog,

for your information, these are blogs

 I think of publishing in the future!

If you like one of these subjects write it in the 

comments section and I will see it ;)

Goodbye everyone thank you for your time!